Political Correctness (January 1997)

This post is part of a series of editorials written by Bert Walsh during his tenure as president and past president of the Shasta Historical Society. Readers are advised that his humor is often irreverent and rarely politically correct. 

Click here for the table of contents for the entire collection of his editorials.

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Politically correct? In Shasta County?

It strikes us that we are passing up a good deal of humor because it would offend some segment of our membership. What we need is some community that can be slandered without giving offense to any of our readers. Right off the bat we can write off ethnic origins and go directly to locations in Shasta County.

We considered Montgomery Creek, Platina. Ono, Cottonwood, Sims and Oak Run. However, we decided to be a little discreet; those folks can get a little testy when insulted. We can't even use a place that isn't on the map any more, because somebody`s forebear might have been born there. Finally we narrowed things down between Gibson and Conant.

We picked on Conant because it is a classier place. It has its own freeway offramp, one house and an old cemetery that is best visited during the winter months when the poison oak has died down. I am sure that William R. Conant had great plans for the place, but they seem to have proceeded very slowly. Now, to illustrate what can be done with this politically neutral location, we present for your edification a  smattering of "Conant" jokes. To challenge our readers, we list the lead-ins first and the punch lines, arranged out of order, next. The challenge is to find the punch line that best fits the lead-in. Go to it, gang.

• They have a lot of trouble with the plumbing in Conant, because...
• The president of the Conant Historical Society was recently awarded a gold medal...
• The high school principal used to live in Cottonwood, but he moved to Conant last year...
• Where is Conant's 911 dispatch center? 
• Why can't you get newspaper delivery in Conant?
• What's black & white and sleeps two?
• How can you tell who the mayor of Conant is?
• How do they get the kids out of the swimming hole at dinnertime?
• Why did they have to cancel the Christmas pageant?

• It's too hard to throw uphill from the freeway.
• He is the fellow wearing a clean John Deere cap.
• They just throw in a cake of soap.
• It was impossible to find three wise men.
• It drains uphill.
• Her husband had it bronzed.
• The Conant City police car.
• The pool hall in Castella.
• It raised the level of intelligence in both places.

P. S. In case we have managed to offend someone in Conant in spite of our diligent efforts, we will be glad to make amends by offering him/her a free subscription to our Newsletter.

--BTW

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